When you becime the reason all the bad things happen and you just want to give up forever 😦

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Sometimes I want to drown in my thoughts and times I just want to escape my mind

So things have been going pretty well. My sister and her family came to visit. It was fun, though it felt both short and long. And I miss them already. My sister (somewhat) offered me a place to stay. Said she’d help me get a job and get me back on track to losing weight. I want to take her up on her offer, I really do. But I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that if I do leave, what will happen to my mom? I feel that she’d get lonely, even if she has my dad.

I’d have to leave my animals behind, unless she allows me to bring them.

Started working the summer program, only pulling 21 hours a week for 3 weeks. Let’s see if I get paid or if the check (however small) will go to benefits and taxes 😦

Why?

personal

I wish I wasn’t such a failure. The things I don’t fail at aren’t important.  But the things i do fail at are big. 
My sister tells me my niece looks up to me.  and all I can think about is why.  Why does she look up to me?  I’m no one special.  Just someone who can’t do things right.